The Essential Life Lesson I Learned from a Yoga Retreat

This is going to be rich. More vulnerable than normal and most likely longer than I am anticipating. So let's snuggle in, have a beverage on hand, and make some time for each other.

Thank you for being here.

As most of you might know by now, I went to a yoga retreat at the end of February. I took a one hour flight from Fairbanks to Anchorage, was picked up by a lovely lady I had never met, who was also headed to the retreat, and she drove us two and a half hours to Seward. The weather was pristine! But this story starts a little further back...

Last November, when I saw on Instagram that Kara, from Nourish in Nature, was hosting this retreat, I felt instantly attached to going. I thought about it for weeks before I even mentioned it to my husband. I wanted to clarify, for myself, that I in fact wanted to go for the right reasons, and not because it was an emotional "get me out of here" lure that drove my actions.

The yoga intrigued me, as I've been taking some of Kara's YouTube classes and attempting to care for my physical body. The vegan food sounded intimidating, as I've never experienced that type of eating before. Being next to the ocean and mountains was definitely reason enough to go, although I couldn't predict what the weather would be like. The lodging accommodations seemed legit, and being around a bunch of women, whom I had never met, wasn't as frightening as it once would have been for me.

Beyond all these valid, but superficial feelings of what "might be", it wasn't enough for me to say no. I had this immense feeling that I needed to go... not just that I wanted to go. I wanted to be around other women, the allure being that they didn't know me or have stories from my past. I could show up, authentically, in who I am right now, without judgment.

I needed to go, for myself. I needed to nurture myself as a woman, beyond a mother and wife. I wanted to step into that role, that I had been neglecting, slowly over time.

I needed to go to this yoga retreat, for me.

Once I realized this, there wasn't much that could talk me out of it. All of my old excuses just didn't work. I knew what I needed, and I advocated for myself.

The road trip to the retreat was sunshine, blue skies, and nature in all of its glory. The sort of road trip we all wish for, but don't often get. The lovely lady who drove us was kind, friendly, and easy going. We arrived a couple hours early to the retreat, which gave us time to have a picnic lunch and explore the beach.

The retreat started Friday evening with an opening ceremony, where we all introduced ourselves, and shared a word or phrase of what we hoped for the weekend. Mine was nourished. I wanted to be nourished... I wanted to nourish myself. With words, with nature, with slow movement, with friendship.

When the ceremony was over, we had dinner, which to my surprise was THE most satisfying meal - that I never expected from a vegan dish. Green split peas with spices like curry, turmeric, and ginger, served with roasted vegetables, quinoa and naan bread. We all talked and hung out, getting to know one another, without worry of time or responsibilities.

After dinner, we met on our yoga mats, where we were led in a restorative yoga practice. The space was calm, warm, and to me, felt safe. I was reminded often to just do what felt right in my own body.

We ended in silence, breathing relaxed, as the weight of the day had flowed away. I took a shower and headed to bed.

I woke up the next morning, eager to start our 8:00 am gentle slow flow and meditation practice. It was more movement than the evening before, but still felt warm and safe to me; waking up my body with the rising of the sun. The teacher told us to tap our body, starting at the legs and working our way up through the core, over the shoulders, and down the arms. I had done this countless times at home, knowing the benefit was to warm the body and move stagnant energy/emotions. But this time, in a room of strangers, I cried. I felt the release of tension. The release of fear, the release of unworthiness I had told myself. I stood, swaying left to right, with my eyes closed, letting be what was. I didn't analyze. I didn't fret. I let myself be present and feel. I dried my eyes and blew my nose, finished the sequence on my mat, and headed to breakfast with everyone else.

Another fully nourishing meal, buffet style. Oatmeal with all the toppings, poached eggs, fruit, some "faux" sausage made with quinoa that was legit amazing. I grabbed some homemade cookies, a couple clementine's, filled my water bottle and prepped for the three hour hike that was planned.

The hike was magnificent! Through a boreal forest we escaped the wind and I can't express the awe my soul felt of soaking in nature. I felt bad having a hard time keeping up, hoping the others didn't mind the slower pace in waiting for me. I sunk my eyes, my heart, into the surroundings and let the quiet tune of mother nature drown away my concerns. I, again, let myself be present. (Maybe more on this at another time, as tears sting my eyes from the pure fulfillment this hike gave me.)

We ended our hike just in time to all come together for lunch. Which was yet another fantastic meal. Avocado lime cream, topped with spinach, seaweed roasted tofu, cooked cabbage, tons of vegetables, black beans and rice. (We're all still talking about it, weeks later!) We had lots to discuss at lunch, as some of us explained how the hike was, and the others expressed their beach walk and long hot baths. Some made plans to use the sauna after lunch, but I chose to head to my private king bed for a nap.

Around 4:00pm, we met for a nervous system workshop, where I gained massive knowledge of yoga, breath, and meditation. I have so many notes on moving forward, things to research and implement into my life.

Dinner was, surprise, delicious! Roasted tomatoes, focaccia bread, spinach salad with garlic and mustard dressing, and baked cardamom beans. Followed by a lemon polenta cake topped with ginger and orange glaze... is your mouth watering, mine is! We ate slowly, as usual, talking about the day, getting to know each other and laughing at crazy life stories. Our chef sprinkled us with food knowledge.

It was if this was life itself, not leaving anything, but finally arriving home.

Another restorative yoga session followed dinner, afterwards I took a hot shower and headed to bed, exhausted, happy, and full.

The next morning, our last day, started like the other, with gentle slow flow yoga to wake the body with the rising of the sun. We ate breakfast afterwards, buffet style again, with the addition of a roasted red pepper and potato quiche, and fresh berries! We came together, one last time in a group circle, for the closing ceremony. We were asked to revisit our initial intention, and if it had changed. What we were taking from this experience, and what we were leaving behind.

My intention was nourishment, and I had been nourished. I wanted to take nourishment home with me, to continue the practices I had learned. I left behind the old stories that no longer serve me. The ones that keep me from having dreams, living in fear of the unknown path ahead. The stories that tell me I am not worthy of having needs, that I'm not capable of receiving more, and I don't deserve making time for my desires.

I am worthy. As I am.

We said our goodbyes and drove back to Anchorage. I flew home to Fairbanks that night, and tucked into my warm bed, I felt all parts of myself as a women, were nourished.

When this yoga retreat opportunity came up, I wanted to attend to remind myself that I'm more than a mom. I wanted to nurture myself, the woman I had neglected for most of my life. And being around women, I felt, was the first step in that direction. But I secretly hoped they would be mothers, like myself, trying to navigate caring for ourselves as a woman, while we care for our family full of needs. I thought mothers could relate better to my experiences, and therefore, I would make tighter bonds. I thought it would be easier to "know how" to nurture myself alongside other mothers doing the same.

There were nine of us women, and I assume I was the oldest, at 39 years old. I felt like the "seasoned" mother, having teenage kids at home, while the one other mother present, has a two year old. I felt slightly out of place for the first couple of minutes.

But when these brave women started to share their intention for the weekend, I quickly realized how very much we had in common. We were all women, who needed support, and wanted more in our lives. We all chose to show up at this retreat, authentically.

We showed up for ourselves. And by doing so, we were able to show up for the other women. It didn't matter our past, the stories, our jobs, or interest. What mattered was that we held space for one another.

They let me just be a woman, at a yoga retreat. Who was also a mom, that loves to write, and be in nature, is sort of shy but vulnerable, and really loves food.

They gave me the greatest gift... of realizing that connecting with WOMEN is what my life has been lacking.

Now, I'm ready to emerge. I have the desire to meet other women, not with the expectation of deeply rooted friendships, or finding connections for my kids. But to fill my life with experiences and to hear the stories others have to share.

By taking care of my emotional needs, becoming self aware and practicing self management by setting healthy boundaries, I create a safe space within myself, for self acceptance.

And that creates the ability for me to hold space for others.

I would like to dedicate this blog post to the women I met at the yoga retreat.

Thank you for your brave vulnerability, kindness, and support. You reminded me of what it looks like to nurture myself as a woman, and I am forever indebted to you.

If you are interest in any of the places I mentioned above, I've included the links below.

Nourish in Nature Yoga Retreat: https://www.karatroglin.com/alaskasummeryogaretreat

Salted Roots Cabins, Seward, AK: https://www.saltedrootsalaska.com/

Kara Troglin, Trauma Informed Yoga: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXdi9-yVkcnBZtWTr17dgUQ

You can also find Kara on Instagram @kara_alaskan_yoga