Embracing Limits

We women do it all. Seriously, we do. Let us count (some of) the ways: laundry, house cleaning, make the appointments, drive to the appointments, dishes, make a menu, do the grocery shopping, make the food, keep a schedule or routine for the family, make sure the car has oil changes and good tires and heat, keep the house warm, shop for warm clothes, teach the kids to be kind, be an emotional regulator to our kids, and be an emotional support to our spouse and friends, remember our parents birthday, and send our friend a “thinking of you” text, make time for a hobby, make time for a date, make time for our friends, mow the lawn, tend the garden or sweep the porch, remember to order printer paper, stop at the post office, and get an updated picture of our kiddos into the frame on the wall, do we have what we need for cold/flu season coming up, oh I better add kleenexes to the shopping list for tomorrow, oh that’s right I meant to order water filters for the fridge, what’s for dinner tonight again? Oh yea I better lay out that chicken to thaw. Oh shit when did the dog last go out for a walk?! I’d love to take a nature walk, maybe I can squeeze it in before my errands later this week, do I need to pee? Damn I’m hungry, when did I last eat? Wait, what time is it, do I need to pick up the kids from school? And why haven’t I heard back from the insurance company?...

And this is just the basics of “mommin”... we didn’t even touch on women who also have to be mindful of the 9-5 job.

We are superheroes! We juggle it all and continue to take more in. I think if we were totally honest, we have never really thought about how much it is we actually take on. We just keep doing it. Like it’s normal, it’s who we are, we don’t know another way, and quite honestly it fills the desire in our hearts to help others, nurture life, get everything to work efficiently, and slap a massive label of “taking care of my family” over top it all to really drive the passion home.

It’s very life-giving.

It’s also very life draining.

Seriously, right? Like, it's draining. I think more and more of us are realizing just how much we do, and how much we give, and how much it’s all making us more tired, resentful and wanting to tap out… wanting that vacation we don’t have the energy to plan, needing a change of environment with moving to a different house or town, and searching for quick fixes like maybe needing a better routine, work out more for mental health, deep dive into regulating our hormones, or more self care.

Can I just say something that I don’t hear often…

I no longer want to do it all.

I can do it all.

Sometimes I feel like I should keep doing it all.

But frankly my dear, I don’t want to do it all anymore.

I could learn to use the snow plow truck, but then I would feel the need to have to snow plow, and the idea of adding another “I can do it” to my life just sounds like shit.

I could learn to chop wood with an ax or use the chainsaw, but then I would have the tools to do those jobs, and I just don’t even want to add another “I should” (go chop some wood) to my vocabulary.

Those processing ideas I have, instantly make me feel ashamed… It sounds like I’m trying to get out of work, which is what I grew up identifying as “lazy.” So this requires me to take a step back and look at the whole, that I in fact do have a lot on my plate and adding another item does make me feel overwhelmed. So I ask Siri, “What does lazy mean?” And her response is, “Unwilling to work or use energy.” And believe me, I know right away I am totally willing to work and already use tons of energy… So me not wanting to add snow plowing or wood chopping to my list is not me being lazy, it is actually me setting a healthy boundary by not putting more on myself than I can humanly do.

I know that if I can do the work, I will.

Especially because by default I always think “If I want this done I have to do it myself.”

And that’s just a lie I believed about myself, and still struggle with.

Identifying that I’m not lazy, therefore removing the shame, I can move forward confidently in saying, “No, I don’t want to learn how to plow or chop wood.”

Doing less, for the preservation of my physical health, along with my improved mental and emotional well being, is exactly the life I want to live; how I want my future self to live life. And it starts right now by redefining what doing less is, how it feels and what it means, to create a more supporting mindset in moving forward.

Here’s what I’m asking these days; maybe they can help you too.

What would happen if I did less?

How would I feel if I said I didn’t want to do it all?

How would it feel to live a less busy life? And is that what I want?