New Year’s Irresolution

Yep… irresolution… uncertainty, hesitant.

I don’t know about you, but this time of year used to offer high energy, higher hopes, and some of the biggest decisions of my life. That, not surprisingly, I never followed through with.

These past few years though, it's been more about rebelling and doing the opposite of everyone else. Honestly, just to see what it feels like. To have nothing really on the horizon for the year, to keep my energy and hopes calm and aligned with who I really am, and being more mindful of my decisions to ensure I actually am living the life I want, not just what I think I need or should be living.

I hold no animosity towards New Year's resolutions. I applaud anyone who makes them and I’m your biggest cheerleader! The beauty of a clean slate laid out in front of us all, and the endless possibilities the year could be; maximum “feel good” energy achieved!

What makes me hesitant about all the New Year buzz, what makes me rebel, is the way it leaves us feeling weeks later. When the dust settles. When the reality of life sets in…

We have all been there… a week of sickness or injury, unforeseen circumstances like a broken down car or extra bill, a family member that has passed on, many people experiencing different emotions that all require your care and love… these are all things that come into our life, and make it difficult to stick with those resolutions we so excitedly made months earlier.

And so, we attempt to work on that resolution again. Maybe we have a new burst of energy or a clearer plan and that “feel good” energy boosts us forward. Maybe there is a bit of shame, or regret, for feeling like we gave up, so we try to replace those cruddy feelings with the exciting resolution.

In my personal experience, and those I’ve talked to, this roller coaster of working on the resolution and then forgetting about it, through the whole year, is quite common. And actually, extremely normal.

Yep… it’s not you. It’s literally human nature. I won’t bore you with the details, (although I do recommend you do a little research) but basically, we are designed to reject change. It’s our body's natural instinct to protect us from what is unfamiliar. There is some flexibility here, as our body accounts for some day to day new experiences. Which is a small part of why resolutions are easy to begin… We can handle some change. But long term, when it becomes a change in the form of a habit, there will always be push back.

So we have our bodies' natural process of protecting us from what is unfamiliar, this new habit that’s forming. Now let's add the immediate stress of a surprise bill, or a sick kid, or longer hours at work. And throw in some feelings of exhaustion, because we see the week ahead and wonder how we are going to make it all happen. Add a touch of figuring out who we really are.

And BAM! Of course our resolution is going to get kicked to the curb. We are quite literally trying to survive, and the New Year's resolution is the newest thing we added to our plate.

But this doesn’t mean that resolutions don’t work and we have to forget about them all together. I just think, for most of us, it requires a more thorough, deeper connection, to what exactly it is we are trying to accomplish, and why.

Let’s use a very common and universal resolution, eating healthier, as an example.

Why do you want to eat healthier? To feel better. (Too general)

If I eat healthier, I will have more energy. (What if the energy doesn’t increase? Does this mean you will stop eating healthier and find other solutions?)

If I eat healthier, I will lose weight and feel better. (What if you don’t lose weight, and your mood fluctuates based on something other than the healthier food?)

So, again, why do you want to eat healthier? Because I feel like shit and don’t really know how to fix it, and I know that food is life so by eating better my life should change in some way.

Relying on eating healthier… or any other resolution… to make us FEEL better, doesn’t actually address the root of what we are trying to accomplish.

To feel better, why wouldn’t we look at how our body processes emotions. Or how our mind controls the narrative of our actions. Why do we get more agitated at dinnertime than any other time? Why do we feel this constant need to keep up and do more. Why is it so fucking hard to open up and ask others for help.

Why do the things we want to do for ourselves always take a back seat at the first sign of difficulties?

We make resolutions to eat healthier, practice more self love, work on our overall well being, exercise more, gain confidence and read more books… maybe eat more pasta!!

Who is going to keep you accountable to those resolutions? YOURSELF

Who is going to show up after an especially hard week? YOU

Who is going to support you and cheer you on? YOU

When it gets really tough, and it will, to keep PRACTICING the resolution you made, no one is going to show up for you. It all comes down to YOU! And that relationship you have with yourself is what will matter the most in any and all resolutions.

When your body feels uncomfortable, and doesn’t want to show up to the gym for fear of being judged, it will be the way you talk to yourself and show up for yourself that will make a bigger impact than the actual workout.

When you are sick and can’t eat as healthy as you would like, the way you nurture yourself with love and kindness will get you back to those healthy eating resolutions.

Resolutions work when you trust yourself so deeply, you know the resolution is truly aligned with your being, and even if there is a time you put it down, you trust yourself to pick it back up again. And when you reach that point, New Year’s resolutions are boring... Because you make commitments to yourself when you are ready, not just the start of a new year, a new month, or a new week.

New Year’s resolutions made from the mind, based on what we think is good for us, or what we should do, or what needs to change, rarely survive. They get discarded when we feel overwhelmed and don’t have the mental capacity to motivate ourselves.

But New Year’s resolutions made from the heart, become the foundation of who we are, because there is a deep calling within our body, to support and strengthen who we already are. Not change her.

Read on for my personal application of this practice:

I’ve tried all sorts of workout methods over the last twenty years, and none of them have stuck long term. As soon as I reached goal weight or max reps, I stopped. I reached my goal, didn’t see the results I expected, and moved on to something else.

During my summer job last year I worked with a weightlifter, and started following a personal trainer online. Between conversations and online simplified videos, it became this little seed in my head of something I might want to try. Something I could actually see myself sticking to long term. So in the fall I took a class to gain some experience… mainly just trying something new and having different experiences in my life; put myself out there and mix up the mundane.

To my surprise, I enjoyed it.

But there was massive hesitation to continue. My mind was telling me it would be like all the other times where I gave up. And yet, unlike past experiences, I couldn’t help but trust myself to stick to this endeavor.

The past stories of failure, the future worry of excuses, none of it roadblocked me this time around. I just felt this inner pull that this was something I wanted to try, I did and loved it, and want to keep going.

It’s been six weeks of personal training and I’ve looked forward to each day my appointment comes up. There are days I don’t have the energy and I give my coach a hard time… but I ALWAYS want to show up. Like literally, the main reason I go is because I feel pulled to show up for myself and meet that part of me that needs that space. And if that feeling ever waivers, that’s my cue to check in to see what my body needs from me.

My initial goal was to try something new to see if I was any good at it and to add a new experience to my life. When that experience was fun, felt good in my body, and safe in my mind, I paid to have a coach help me learn more. Now, I’m seeing tiny results like more flexibility when I tie my shoes, a random muscle on my leg, I’m naturally competitive so the excitement to show up and lift heavier than I did last week makes me sort of giddy. When I do crunches and push myself further than I thought I could go, I smile and giggle with pride. Honestly, I don’t know that I feel physically better… I feel about the same… just more dense/solid.haha

My goal now is not losing weight or gaining muscles or even lifting heavy. I know from past experiences that when the weight doesn’t budge and the muscles don’t bulge it means I’m not reaching my goal, and I quit.

My goal is to show up for myself in whatever capacity that is.

I value the physical part of myself who speaks quietly and needs my attention. To show her I value her, I show up! When I show up when I said I would, that builds trust. And that trust builds the healthy relationship I have with my physical body.

If it’s a busy week, my weightlifting sesh doesn’t get moved, something else does. I find ways to keep that commitment to myself, to keep that self trust. I don’t push through… If I feel fatigued I should up anyways and do lighter weights, more stretching. When I feel like a slob and worried about how I look, I show up anyway to prove to myself that those things are feelings, not who I am. I give myself adequate rest between classes, try to eat foods to restore my muscles, and check in with both my mind and body daily to make sure I’m not forcing something.

Yes there is resistance sometimes of not wanting to even leave the house… but when I stop and think deeply about it, I do want to go, and choose showing up for myself, over a temporary feeling of sadness getting out of my sweatpants.

And I’ve never once regretted showing up for myself.